Have you gotten an invitation yet for this year’s high school class reunion? Are you wondering how you will not only survive the experience, but also thrive?
Here are some practical strategies to help put your best foot forward.
- Try to gain as much weight as you can. Since it is definitely too late to lose weight, you might as well be as plump as possible. Show everyone what a great self-image you have by wearing something tight, proudly displaying your curves.
- Coordinate your compression hose. Those varicose veins are not going away, so you might as well match your knee length compression hose with your shorts. This will further reinforce your superior self-image.
- Buy some designer glasses. You don’t want to show up with those out-dated aviators perched on your nose. Show your classmates how cool you are with a new pair of Guccis or Ray-Bans. This will also give them something to focus on besides your legs and cellulite.
- Do not discuss the suspicious mole you had removed. Inevitably someone in your class was recently revived from a cardiac arrest during open-heart surgery. You are never going to win the game of ‘who has had the closest call.’
- Go through your yearbook carefully in order to uncover any buried conflicts or resentments. Write them all down and be sure you have 1:1 conversations with those who did you wrong in high school. Expressing your feelings will go a long way toward helping you let go of this inferno of rage. And it might spark some inflammatory interactions that will be the ‘hit’ of the evening.
- Have a couple of drinks before showing up and continue to drink heavily all evening. This will help you with #5.
- Step outside when the disco ball starts spinning. Watching this after following step #6 may be more than your sensitive stomach can take.
- Consider a new hair color. My school colors were blue and gold so what better way to show team spirit than to have some blue and gold streaks? No hair? No problem. You could have someone paint the school mascot on your shiny bald head. Mine was a beaver and would make a killer statement about your school loyalty.
- Pressure your spouse or partner to go with you. Be sure to introduce him/her to all the people you dated and reminisce in great detail. These awkward and uncomfortable moments will really strengthen your relationship, and help your spouse appreciate how popular you were at one time (and why).
- Don’t dance until you have ensured that someone in the group is certified in CPR. Then stick close to them whenever you are on the dance floor.
So now that you have a game plan for this special event, I’m sure you are feeling less anxious. You may be bold enough to fish that food-stained invitation out of the trash (using rubber gloves I hope since there literally was fish on it).
Which action steps are you most excited to try out?